Beautiful sunset, colourful life

I was lucky enough to witness this beautiful sunset this week. Thanks to some lovely friends who took me out for the evening. It is amazing to think that this is about a 20 minute drive from where I live. I feel very lucky especially when we do actually get to see these lovely views with the sun shining. 

Although I would not have been able to get down on to the beach due to the steep steps, the view from the cliff is just amazing. I am hoping to see a few more sunsets over the next few months, with possibly a lovely spring and summer. I was in hospital last year for all of June and half of July when the weather was beautiful. I used to see people coming into the hospital looking bronzed and smelling of suntan lotion. I used to admire their summer clothes while I was in my uniform of jogging bottoms and baggy t shirts each day, 

Although we can not rely on the weather I intend to make the most of each nice day that I can, because I can. 

During this time, I used to close my eyes and see really bright, beautiful images in my head that at the time I did think I may want to paint  (I am not a painter/artist) but since coming out of hospital I think my brain got so full, relearning and recovering that these images all became quite grey and I had a sudden obsession with grey, wanting to be surrounded by it and to wear it all the time. I still do have a fondness for grey but my life is starting to get all of it's colour back now and they are being reintroduced into my quite colourful life. 

Present life goals April 2015

On June 5th 2015 it will have been a year since I had the stroke, that is fast approaching and although I am still recovering and not fully healed, I have to say that I am so pleased and have exceeded all expectations so far. A lot of the time I am still just getting by and as much as now and again it does frustrate me, that will do me for now. 

My goals are almost all at that point of really getting back to normal life instead of I want to be able to feel my arm, I now for example would like to be able to go out one night and have a dance. Physically I am able to do some kind of dance (we are by no means taking professional here ;)) but mentally I would just not be able to handle it yet. 

My daughter asked me "when can you drive again?" Another of my goals but again mentally I don't feel anywhere near ready. I am still trying to keep my life as simple as possible because my brain gets so tired, I am sure I will get to a point and it will feel better as things have improved so much for me already and after all it has not even been a year yet since it happened. 

Writing 

It helps me so much to write, something I must admit that I would never have said that I particularly enjoyed but it's so satisfying and feels like a brain workout (without any pain or frustration). I even enjoy writing a email or letter whereas in my life pre stroke I did not have the time so it would always be a rush job. 

I am currently writing this off my iphone but I am hoping to get my computer set up in my flat in the next few days. When I am hoping to use this little space of mine to write to my hearts content. 

Photos

I used to be the type that would see setting up a piece of technology a challenge now at the moment the thought of it makes me want to curl up and cry but I have a camera that needs some attention as I love to take photos at the moment. I think because it's something I can do as I often a feel a bit like I'm a bit of the outsider who can't join in fully with all that is going in around me but I can snap away. 

Ok, so after reading this it would appear I am a pro dancer, writer and photographer??  ;) nah, I'm just getting by. Doing what I can whilst I am healing and unable to work. 

One of my goals is over the next few months and summer holidays is to get one photo of all the places I can get to visit. I started yesterday with a photo of Nolton Haven in Pembrokeshire, which is the beautiful county which I live. 

Hair and skin 

I am also using this time to improve my physical self. Being in hospital for so long, having to have somebody else wash, shower you, do your hair, help clean your teeth is something at the age of then 36 is something I never thought would happen to me. When I think back, how embarrassing but I felt/feel so grateful for those lovely ladies in the hospital who even blow dried my hair for me. I had long hair at the time and could not manage to tie it in a simple pony tail. By the time I came out of hospital my hair and skin did not feel at it's best. It was only around December time though that mentally I felt able to think about this. I decided to get my hair cut to above shoulder length as it was not growing and felt really unhealthy, I had it cut with all the intention of growing it again straight away but I actually really like it and it is in lovely condition. I'm enjoying trying new products and at the same time trying to find a bargain. I can also now get my hair in a ponytail if need be but I love that mainly I can wear it down and with a quick going over of the straightners each time, I am good to go. 

My skin is looking and feeling good too, Although I am still trying to tackle this pore issue on the top of my cheeks. That is my next aim, I have got my eyebrows somewhat as I like them, they could be better but they are so much better than the unruly mess they have been , so I am working my way top to bottom, keeping it simple, affordable yet trying to  look good..../better. 

Clothes

I remember sitting with my physiotherapists and talking to them about clothes and the fact that my arm was not moving at this point made it very hard to dress myself but I have somehow always got by.  Although they did remind me that buttons and zips would be out. I sat there in despair picturing me in jogging bottoms and t shirts every day, I am still avoiding zips and buttons as much as possible. As I can do them with a struggle but it is after all, all about keeping it simple. I enjoy looking for clothes even more now then I did pre stroke. I appreciate and notice fabrics and attention to detail that I never did before and I am very lucky that somebody invented the jegging. No buttons or zips. Yay. I spend my life in my skechers but I feel safe in them and I can walk, first of all  . Not a day goes past where I am not thankful for this. I do look forward to the day when I can wear different shoes for different occasions but for now that is very much a case of window shopping. 

Health and exercise

I am currently completing a 16 week exercise programme once a week which I am really enjoying. I am trying to improve throughout this so I can develop further after this period is over, 

I have lost quite a bit of weight too for the first ever without being on a "diet" . I am very mindful now when it comes to food. I only eat when I am hungry and stop before I become too full. I don't deprive myself of any food but try to keep it in moderation. 

I could really do with losing more weight but I am determined at the moment to just keep focusing on being healthy and hoping that will take care of the weight loss for me. 

I have cut down on caffeine. I don't want to give up anything completely so I am allowing myself a cup of coffee in the morning then switching to herbal tea or water.

I have cut out salt as much as I possibly can and only allow myself crisps every now and again whilst really trying to tell myself to savour it as it is a huge treat. 

Crafting with Cerys

One thing we always loved to do together was crafty things. I am in the process of organising all of her crafty goodies after our move and have to say I am feeling the urge to get crafty again. I know she has missed this but I just could not face it before. We have also started playing cards lately too. 

So at April 2015, that is where I am at. I am looking forward to reading this back at a later date and seeing improvements in all aspects of life. :) 

Stroke complexity

I found this "quote" in a young stroke survivor group that I recently joined online. It made me feel really sad to see. Although I do understand where this comes from, I have since having a stroke tried my best to explain how I feel probably to the point where perhaps some people wish I would shut up but before I had a stroke how could I know how complex it would be so obviously how can other people? Maybe I am surrounded by a rather exceptional bunch of people but I can list on one hand the amount of times I really felt misunderstood or upset because of others. I have been called brave numerous times during my stroke recovery but I think I am surrounded by the brave people. From my family who have been through every difficult moment with me to friends and even friends of the family or friends of friends. Every single person who has ever taken the time out of their own lives to just say "how are you?" You are all amazing. Thank you for realising that although I may not have asked how you are back, it's not that I don't care. I have been busy re-learning just about everything and getting my brain to work again.  I have had a few people not be able to look me in the eye or even ask how I am doing, I remember them as those moments have been so few.  Thank you for not saying "I know how you must feel" because let's face it you can't. The same as even if you have had a stroke too. I don't know how you feel although I have a better idea. Ah that complexity issue again. 

So what is a stroke to me? - complex