Falling in love with food again

Three days from today  will be a massive day for me. It will be one year since I had a stroke. It has been a year of varying stages of recovery and one year since my life had a major shake up. 

Straight after my stroke or to be more precise the first few weeks after it as I became aware of what had happened to me, I was told that it would take at least a year to recover. I have not recovered fully but I am still fighting hard and am extremely proud of all that I have achieved. I had so many questions, would I walk again? Would I ever be able to move my arm again? Were my major concerns. I was told that there was no way of knowing or answering those questions for me and that if I may just find ways to adapt to get by in life. I thought " no way, I want to get back to how I was" but

During this past year, I have had to do just that, adapt.  I have had to let go of what I was and how my life was before in order to move forwards. I do and have always believed that life will guide you in the right direction. I am not fully recovered but I am not bitter. Of course, I would rather that it hadn't happened but it has, my way of coping and staying positive has been to embark on a new journey of making my life better and healthier than ever all the while with the purpose of making the fact that I had a stroke define my life less and less. 

It is hard to believe the journey that I have found myself on these past twelve months. I didn't see this coming, that is for sure. 

Food 

I had left paralysis after the stroke to the point that I could not even understand that I had a left side on my body. I was of course confined to my hospital bed although for a couple of weeks after the stroke all I did was sleep. I had to have mashed up food, the choice of vegetarian mashable food was very limited and I became to dread mealtimes. I could tell they thought I just a fussy eater as I would get so upset at even the thought of the food being delivered. I think it was a combination of not doing anything or seeing any other view except for the hospital ward from my bed in between meals, the fact that every meal was a proper cooked dinner( albeit a mashed one) and finally the fact that it was tasteless. I did of course eat what I could (although I remember not touching the food on the left hand side of my plate for a while as I could see it but felt like it wasn't included in what I had to eat)  but I did start losing weight which they kept an eye on. The best test I have ever tried in my life was the biscuit test which I took a few weeks after the stroke. It determines how you are swallowing. I ate it fine and I don't think a biscuit has or ever will taste as good as that again. The choice of vegetarian hospital food is still rather limited but was much better than mashed everything. Of all the foods I was most excited to eat was salad. I have always loved salads in fact I have always loved food. 

Someone in the hospital asked me what my favourite meal was and I could not think. In fact I am still not sure what I would say is my favourite meal. I am sure I will remember or figure it out soon though. I am currently enjoying food again although I detest that feeling of eating too much ( it must stir up bad memories of being back in that hospital bed where I felt like all I did was eat all day) I have adopted more of a little and often approach to food and my mind seems to be mentally checking if it is a balanced diet all the time. I have never been a very balanced person but I am pleased with this current trait. I do hope it sticks around. 

Sandwich club

Yes, I was once a member of the sandwich club. I really wish I could have had some sort of certificate stating this fact as It does make me chuckle. I used to attend a little group in the hospital, I would walk there with my stick but my arm was not moving at this point. I also have to laugh at the fact that I chose to make a cheese and tomato sandwich. How on earth did I think I was going to chop the tomato? Answer you adapt. I could use the weight of my left hand to hold the tomato in place, obviously being very careful not to slice any fingers off and cut with my right hand. I can not begin to explain how tired I felt after making a sandwich. I mean it was a sandwich not a three course meal but over this past year the tiredness has got less and less with every sandwich I have made. 

I cook almost every day. My ways of adapting are planning in advance what are meals are going to be and we try to eat at 5pm each day so that it is not too late as I do start to get tired and clumsy as the evening approaches and I also want to make sure I have enough energy to wash all the pans afterwards. 

There are things that make my life do much easier in respect of food and they are buying grated cheese I have grated cheese myself since the stroke but there were tears- it's too mentally tiring right now. That would have to be my big task of the day should I wish to grate cheese so I choose not to do it right now. 

Frozen chopped vegetables- Again I can chop a vegetable if I need to but I am trying to keep things as simple as possible right now. 

And this timer. I talk to people sometimes and say how I don't quite trust myself not to make a mistake and I think maybe they think this is due to lack of confidence. I think it is me being sensible. I never know when tiredness can strike and I am always aware that I could have a bad day. This is rare but I would rather be prepared. This timer is used a lot by me during the day. I of course use it when cooking food. I also use it at various intervals during the day. I can so easily lose track of time or lose concentration so this helps keep me on the right track. There are many other funny little ways that have developed this past year but I shall just keep this post related to food today and not confuse myself. 

I am hoping to come back here and have an answer to what is my favourite meal over the next few months but food I am loving right now are eggs which reminds me of something else I need to mention

So-lo salt. I have made a really big effort in cutting down on salt in my diet. If I do have any, it is low sodium. I used to love salt on boiled eggs but have discovered if I eat boiled eggs once they are cold they seem to have more of a natural flavour that I enjoy without the need to add anything to them. Although peeling the eggs is not a task I love. I very stupidly peeled one over the bin a few days ago and as I had almost finished, dropped it. I won't be doing that again- peeling it over the bin that is, I can not promise I won't drop anymore. I love rocket salad. It has a strong enough flavour that it does not need anything added to it and I adore the taste. Jalapeños and pesto are another of my current favourites. Yum. 

Another important fact I could mention here is the fact that yesterday I actually managed to open a tin of beans which did not have a ring pull. :) We and I include the cat in this have been dictated what tins we can have by the fact it has a ring pull or not lately. Maybe I should crack open a few tins on Friday to celebrate? :) 

When was the last time you had your blood pressure checked?

Everywhere I turned a couple of days ago "stroke" was being mentioned and in particular the fact that it is happening more and more to people of the ages 40 to 50. I am not a medical expert but I did have a stroke at the age of 36. The main concern throughout seems to be that we (by we I shall have to skip a few years and pretend I am 40) all have a high risk of a stroke unless we are mega healthy teetotallers. What struck me is the fact that I know many people who are less healthy than myself 

So why me?

I have never been a person for the what ifs of life. I had a stroke, I can't change what has happened. I have had to deal with it and get on with my recovery. 

Let's talk for a moment about pre stroke me, I was not the healthiest person ever but I was and am a non smoker, I did enjoy a drink of the alcoholic kind, beer or wine rather than spirits, I have been a vegetarian for twenty plus years and although I did not attend a gym or play sport regularly, I did used to walk a lot in my daily routine of getting my daughter to child care and school and to bus stops to get me to and from work. Also having a child keeps you active. I watch many a parent do the fastest sprint they have ever ran in their life chasing their escapee child.  If I was previously a teetotal fitness freak  would it have prevented my stroke? Maybe, but not all of us are that person. Obviously it is a fact that more strokes are happening to people younger and younger and I am so glad that the news and social media are giving this the coverage it deserves. 

Blood Pressure

As a stroke survivor, I would urge all people of any age to get their blood pressure checked regularly, I have high blood pressure which I am now on medication for and must admit in hindsight I wish I had kept a closer eye on this. Unfortunately I have been diagnosed with hereditary hypertension. My blood pressure is now under control with medication. For my own peace of mind I have cut down on salt in my diet, I have lost weight since my stroke through exercise and healthy eating. I must admit though that this has happened without me thinking of myself as being on a "diet" 

If you are reading this, do you know what your blood pressure is? If not, please get it checked. 

I think checking of blood pressure should readily be available to everybody especially with it becoming increasingly difficult to even get a doctors appointment. If we need to tackle people of working age then blood pressure checks should be something that can maybe be carried out in a lunch break for example. 

I have no experience as yet of working after a stroke as I was doing a job that I will call a "get by" job. I did have every intention of studying accounts in the September but I have to admit that my post stroke self does not want to do that! I would really like to do beauty and make up or languages when I am ready to. Medical professionals when talking about my recovery speak in years rather than months or weeks. I don't know, I have exceeded all expectations so far but mentally things are still tough. I do remember when I was extremely poorly in the acute stroke unit one of the nurses, I do not know which one as it is a very blurry memory, asked me what I used to do before I got ill? I thought to myself I am not done yet! Who knows where life will take me but I do know that it can only get better. 

 

Paint and repeat

Can you imagine if something you have always loved to do suddenly becomes so hard that you almost dread it but you love then end result so much that it is worth putting yourself through that pain? Painted nails is currently bitter sweet for me. I have always loved getting my nail colour collection out and choosing which shade to wear. Then either paint them in front of something good on TV, a DVD or turn the music up . As I said, it was something I used to enjoy. 

It is currently something I do not look forward to. I must carry on with these rituals though as they are helping my brain plus I love having painted nails. :) I have shown here a picture of my left hand.my weaker side. It is my right side that I find harder to paint but also harder to photograph as I can not use the touch screen on my phone with my left hand as yet. My left hand Grips the nail polish brush in such a odd way but I somehow manage to paint my right hand and the spills are getting less and less. I must have no noise though as you would not believe the concentration needed. I also painted my toes, that was a work out in it self. But that had got to be helping me get stronger, plus it is May and even though the weather is not so nice again at the moment. These next few months to me equals pretty toenails. I need to so a bit of research into if there are any "safe" sandals that I can actually walk in too. 

Anyway, these are my nails painted in Ciate Play date. I am no expert on these things but I can tell you it gets full point on ease of use from me and what a pretty colour. 

Escalators and fighting with numbers

Cerys

Me and my daughter have been fine throughout this awful period of our lives but these last few weeks have been a bit strange for us both, I think it is because this time last year I was not feeling 100 %,  obviously I did not know at that time that I had a blood vessel in my brain which was about to erupt and was suffering with a severe case of vitamin b12 defiency and anaemia. My life was a stressy mess to be honest. I was so tired all of the time and struggling with everyday life. Because it is her birthday 21st May and I had the stroke 5th June (I found her birthday cards and banners still up when I finally was allowed home) we can remember this time of year rather plainly. She did have a party last year but not a full blown up affair like I normally like to do as I was too tired. She enjoyed it though all the same. Anyway, I am getting distracted here, I could not love this girl anymore than I do. She is my world and my best buddy but over these last few weeks the love has just somehow got even stronger. We are so happy and so close. It is fabulous. My brain had been reborn and with that has made my love for my daughter even stronger than it was before. I am doing well with this always look on the side malarky. 

She had asked for a party in a hall with a bouncy castle. I have been trying to arrange it but we have had a change of plan. She now would like to go to Legoland. I can not take her on her actual birthday but we have planned at some point this year to go to London to see Big Ben (her request) so we will need to make a stop at legoland the same time. I will need to start arranging this shortly but I also need to tackle the issue of escalators. :s I am terrified of getting my right leg on but my left leg just not following etc. So I am going to have to start with quiet local places first and get on every escalator I can. 

I am also very excited, that she would like a small tea party/ lego themed. I have the lego invites on order (first job done) 

I went to a literacy and numeracy meeting in her school last week. I walked there all on my own. Managed to hold all the paperwork when we sat and listened although I did then leave it all in her classroom. Oh dear. I also had to decline a cup of coffee as there was no table and can only imagine the state I would have got in trying to hold a cup and papers whilst  also trying to listen and concentrate. The speaker was very interesting and there was a logic puzzle on the board for the parents to have a go at. I used to adore and I mean seriously love logic puzzles but I looked at it and my brain kinda thought nope, not a chance mate. It made me chuckle inside when the lady speaking said some children would look at it and think no I can't do it without even trying. As that is exactly what I was thinking. I have never been the type of person who would just give up, I would need to solve it. I really wish I could say thank you to that lady as it wasn't until later that evening I thought to myself if I am finding numbers and logic hard right now, I need to work at it until it is no longer so hard just like I have done with everything else. So, Myself and Cerys are learning maths together right now and I need to purchase a new logic book. Wish me luck! :) 

You are so lucky

Okay, I am lucky- 

Lucky to be alive, I'm sure most people around me are aware that I know this is true. I can't help but feel a bit hurt when strangers or people I do not so well tell me this and there is a part of me that wants to scream "do you know how hard I have worked and continually work everyday." It's hard going, before I have even accomplished my latest goal I am thinking of the next one that I need to achieve. Anyway, I needed to get that off my chest. 

I wrote the above paragraph yesterday, I was having a bad day for no particular reason but today the world seems a lot better place. 

I wanted to write this blog today on my computer but I have to admit failure on this particular goal. I have spent the last few days, working on the hard drive but it does not want to play and I think it is time to say goodbye. I have been devising myself some sort of budget plan since I last wrote on here and according to that I don't think a new computer will be happening anytime soon. It's not that much of a problem except it affects another one of my goals which is to use my camera more instead of my phone camera. As this is out of my control though, I really need to let that goal go for a while. 

Since my last post I have had a few days out and a evening out for a meal, so I have not done too badly on the socialising front. Luckily I did take photos on my phone as well as the camera so I can record here where I have been. So I am also lucky to be surrounded by such lovely people who look after me and Cerys so well. 

Clerkenhill Adventure Farm

This photo was taken in Clerkenhill adventure farm. My mum very kindly took me and Cerys there for the afternoon recently. She had so much fun here and loved the long tunnels. I loved the fact that I could get down on the floor and photograph her. Getting up again is not quite so easy as it used to be pre stroke but it's all good exercise. 

It is lovely, we only spent a few hours there but we could have spent so much more time there if time had not been against us that particular day. We finished off with a lovely ice cream, something I had been craving for quite a while. 

I know it may be a bit strange to take a photo of a ice cream wrapper but I was sure I would forget the name as I had not seen this particular one before. It was so lovely and may replace the feast as my new favourite.  I will be hunting this one down again. 

Anna's Welsh Zoo

Or what is more commonly refered to by our family as - Manor Park.  We have been going there for days out since me and my sisters were young and have always enjoyed it there. It holds many a good memory and always feels like it was always sunny back then. Think that is a sign of getting old ;) 

We are sure to return here many times over the summer so we have invested in a 2015 Double Bubble Season Pass. I am super excited to see the SiberianTigers when they arrive especially as the animals are so well cared for there.

 A meal out at Martha's Vineyard

What a lovely evening! The food was beautiful and the staff so friendly and attentive. We shared a bottle of wine along with water in between glasses for me. I enjoy having the odd night out, I could not do too many as it has been the norm for me lately to be in bed by seven but this week I have actually been staying up until about ten pm!! Not quite party animal status but worthy news all the same. 

My gym session was cancelled this week so I have been doing weights at home but I did go on a rather long trek with my sister Claire, nephew, nieces, Cerys and my mum. So I have certainly not neglected my exercise. 

Monk Haven 

Cerys went to see Disney on Ice with Daddy and stayed in

a hotel in Cardiff which was very exciting for her and loved telling me all about it. 

Guardians of the Galaxy 

yay, I finally got to see it. I was so excited especially as I had heard lots about the soundtrack. It did not disappoint me. 

Foundation

I am so very excited, now because my left hand has constant pins and needles, I need to keep things I do very simple. Which has meant not bothering with foundation (due to the fact I kept dropping and spilling it everywhere). I did buy a compact foundation but never found it quite the same. Anyway here is the exciting bit- I have used it three times so far with no spills:) 

Before I write my next post, I am hoping to have made a start on arranging Cerys' Birthday celebrations and to

Have cleared the boxes I have left to unpack from my living room and hopefully next time I will remember to mention "maths". There is a reason why but that is all for now! :)