You can't always get what you want

I would like to be a bit richer, a lot thinner, have an amazing career and own my own house and car but this time of year especially, is when I realise how lucky I really am. 

In 2014 I had a stroke, Didn't want it and I didn't need it and it is certainly not something I will ever look back on with fond memories as it has made my life so difficult but I am lucky, I survived, I am alive and am making a excellent recovery. So therefore, I can accept what has happened to me but there are so many bad things happening all around us to good people which I can not make any sense off.  I feel so lucky that I am giving the chance to live again and I am so determined to live the best life I can.

I have not felt like writing much lately. Life has felt a bit harder as of late. The weather has on occasion made me more or less house bound and I have been so tired.
This time last year I was a lot more reliant on my Mum yet this year I am in my own home, cooking every meal, cleaning etc which I am so proud of but I must remember how important rest is.
Up until my phone broke I was keeping an eye on the weather to plan to get outside on nicer days but this got forgotten about with my lack of technology. Starting today, this is happening again. I can't control my energy levels completely so I can't completely rely on getting out and about if the weather is okay but all this planning certainly helps.

I started waking up naturally at 6am so  I decided to make myself a bit of a schedule to give my day some structure. I didn't make it too strict just gave myself half hour slots with what I should/could be doing during that time. I have found though that even if I wake up at 6am I can not start any jobs until after 9am as I get too tired so I will need to re do this schedule.

Something which is working better is my budget. I am pretty proud of how well I am doing with money. The big day is this Friday when I get to withdraw my Christmas money. I'm sure there are many people who think that is rather late but I needed to make sure I was on target for December and January bills too. Its amazes me how people can have their presents sorted by the summer. I love Christmas shopping in the winter plus my daughter has just wrote her letter to Father Christmas but has not included anything on there that she previously said she would ask for. :)

I wouldn't have recovered so well without my familys support who always amaze me by making my life easier. That is my biggest bit of advice for anyone recovering from a stroke- Make your life as easy as possible.

I am trying to sort something out at the minute which I need to do to help my recovery but despite ringing and leaving messages for this person to call me back I just can not sort it. I just don't have the energy to sort it all out. This is not helping the situation at all but makes me more grateful for those people around me who are always there for me.

I can't wait for the day when I am stronger enough to chase a bit harder for things I really want but my current fight is still taking up far too much energy.

Deliciously warm and sweet

That is how Sophie Kinsella describes the Little Beach Street Bakery by Jenny Colgan, a book that I have recently read and fell utterly in love with. I love to read and luckily having a stroke does not mean that I lost the ability to read but it does mean I now have a brain that does not work as well as it once did and a book that can hold my interest has now become something that I am ever so grateful for.  I tried to read a book not long after having a stroke, I can't help but smile at the thought of me reading the same page over and over again. Partly because I could not take it all in but also it felt like it was the correct thing to do.

I love the description of this book -

"The book is really about being brave; about striking out on your own when everything's against you"

I have spent the last two years not being able to feel like I can connect to anyone else but I felt immediately drawn to this character called Polly.

I read this book by accident because I had mislaid the book I was attempting to read somewhere between Manchester and York. My sister Ceri had lend it to me to make my train journey home go faster and be more enjoyable. It even made sitting right outside the toilet for almost three hours bearable.

There is a lot of talk of bread and other bakery goods which as someone who likes to bake and likes to eat I really enjoyed. 

I loved the part where she realises that she has a wardrobe full of clothes that she no longer wears as she is too busy living her new different life.  I have clothes, shoes and bags that I can no longer wear or enjoy at the moment. I must admit although I can't always dress as I wish (I'm still having to keep things simple) it is refreshing to have fewer choices. I have been researching into the "Capsule Wardrobe" I'm enjoying life being more simple and am really embracing being surrounded by fewer items yet things I really love.