When was the last time you had your blood pressure checked?

Everywhere I turned a couple of days ago "stroke" was being mentioned and in particular the fact that it is happening more and more to people of the ages 40 to 50. I am not a medical expert but I did have a stroke at the age of 36. The main concern throughout seems to be that we (by we I shall have to skip a few years and pretend I am 40) all have a high risk of a stroke unless we are mega healthy teetotallers. What struck me is the fact that I know many people who are less healthy than myself 

So why me?

I have never been a person for the what ifs of life. I had a stroke, I can't change what has happened. I have had to deal with it and get on with my recovery. 

Let's talk for a moment about pre stroke me, I was not the healthiest person ever but I was and am a non smoker, I did enjoy a drink of the alcoholic kind, beer or wine rather than spirits, I have been a vegetarian for twenty plus years and although I did not attend a gym or play sport regularly, I did used to walk a lot in my daily routine of getting my daughter to child care and school and to bus stops to get me to and from work. Also having a child keeps you active. I watch many a parent do the fastest sprint they have ever ran in their life chasing their escapee child.  If I was previously a teetotal fitness freak  would it have prevented my stroke? Maybe, but not all of us are that person. Obviously it is a fact that more strokes are happening to people younger and younger and I am so glad that the news and social media are giving this the coverage it deserves. 

Blood Pressure

As a stroke survivor, I would urge all people of any age to get their blood pressure checked regularly, I have high blood pressure which I am now on medication for and must admit in hindsight I wish I had kept a closer eye on this. Unfortunately I have been diagnosed with hereditary hypertension. My blood pressure is now under control with medication. For my own peace of mind I have cut down on salt in my diet, I have lost weight since my stroke through exercise and healthy eating. I must admit though that this has happened without me thinking of myself as being on a "diet" 

If you are reading this, do you know what your blood pressure is? If not, please get it checked. 

I think checking of blood pressure should readily be available to everybody especially with it becoming increasingly difficult to even get a doctors appointment. If we need to tackle people of working age then blood pressure checks should be something that can maybe be carried out in a lunch break for example. 

I have no experience as yet of working after a stroke as I was doing a job that I will call a "get by" job. I did have every intention of studying accounts in the September but I have to admit that my post stroke self does not want to do that! I would really like to do beauty and make up or languages when I am ready to. Medical professionals when talking about my recovery speak in years rather than months or weeks. I don't know, I have exceeded all expectations so far but mentally things are still tough. I do remember when I was extremely poorly in the acute stroke unit one of the nurses, I do not know which one as it is a very blurry memory, asked me what I used to do before I got ill? I thought to myself I am not done yet! Who knows where life will take me but I do know that it can only get better. 

 

Paint and repeat

Can you imagine if something you have always loved to do suddenly becomes so hard that you almost dread it but you love then end result so much that it is worth putting yourself through that pain? Painted nails is currently bitter sweet for me. I have always loved getting my nail colour collection out and choosing which shade to wear. Then either paint them in front of something good on TV, a DVD or turn the music up . As I said, it was something I used to enjoy. 

It is currently something I do not look forward to. I must carry on with these rituals though as they are helping my brain plus I love having painted nails. :) I have shown here a picture of my left hand.my weaker side. It is my right side that I find harder to paint but also harder to photograph as I can not use the touch screen on my phone with my left hand as yet. My left hand Grips the nail polish brush in such a odd way but I somehow manage to paint my right hand and the spills are getting less and less. I must have no noise though as you would not believe the concentration needed. I also painted my toes, that was a work out in it self. But that had got to be helping me get stronger, plus it is May and even though the weather is not so nice again at the moment. These next few months to me equals pretty toenails. I need to so a bit of research into if there are any "safe" sandals that I can actually walk in too. 

Anyway, these are my nails painted in Ciate Play date. I am no expert on these things but I can tell you it gets full point on ease of use from me and what a pretty colour. 

Escalators and fighting with numbers

Cerys

Me and my daughter have been fine throughout this awful period of our lives but these last few weeks have been a bit strange for us both, I think it is because this time last year I was not feeling 100 %,  obviously I did not know at that time that I had a blood vessel in my brain which was about to erupt and was suffering with a severe case of vitamin b12 defiency and anaemia. My life was a stressy mess to be honest. I was so tired all of the time and struggling with everyday life. Because it is her birthday 21st May and I had the stroke 5th June (I found her birthday cards and banners still up when I finally was allowed home) we can remember this time of year rather plainly. She did have a party last year but not a full blown up affair like I normally like to do as I was too tired. She enjoyed it though all the same. Anyway, I am getting distracted here, I could not love this girl anymore than I do. She is my world and my best buddy but over these last few weeks the love has just somehow got even stronger. We are so happy and so close. It is fabulous. My brain had been reborn and with that has made my love for my daughter even stronger than it was before. I am doing well with this always look on the side malarky. 

She had asked for a party in a hall with a bouncy castle. I have been trying to arrange it but we have had a change of plan. She now would like to go to Legoland. I can not take her on her actual birthday but we have planned at some point this year to go to London to see Big Ben (her request) so we will need to make a stop at legoland the same time. I will need to start arranging this shortly but I also need to tackle the issue of escalators. :s I am terrified of getting my right leg on but my left leg just not following etc. So I am going to have to start with quiet local places first and get on every escalator I can. 

I am also very excited, that she would like a small tea party/ lego themed. I have the lego invites on order (first job done) 

I went to a literacy and numeracy meeting in her school last week. I walked there all on my own. Managed to hold all the paperwork when we sat and listened although I did then leave it all in her classroom. Oh dear. I also had to decline a cup of coffee as there was no table and can only imagine the state I would have got in trying to hold a cup and papers whilst  also trying to listen and concentrate. The speaker was very interesting and there was a logic puzzle on the board for the parents to have a go at. I used to adore and I mean seriously love logic puzzles but I looked at it and my brain kinda thought nope, not a chance mate. It made me chuckle inside when the lady speaking said some children would look at it and think no I can't do it without even trying. As that is exactly what I was thinking. I have never been the type of person who would just give up, I would need to solve it. I really wish I could say thank you to that lady as it wasn't until later that evening I thought to myself if I am finding numbers and logic hard right now, I need to work at it until it is no longer so hard just like I have done with everything else. So, Myself and Cerys are learning maths together right now and I need to purchase a new logic book. Wish me luck! :) 

You are so lucky

Okay, I am lucky- 

Lucky to be alive, I'm sure most people around me are aware that I know this is true. I can't help but feel a bit hurt when strangers or people I do not so well tell me this and there is a part of me that wants to scream "do you know how hard I have worked and continually work everyday." It's hard going, before I have even accomplished my latest goal I am thinking of the next one that I need to achieve. Anyway, I needed to get that off my chest. 

I wrote the above paragraph yesterday, I was having a bad day for no particular reason but today the world seems a lot better place. 

I wanted to write this blog today on my computer but I have to admit failure on this particular goal. I have spent the last few days, working on the hard drive but it does not want to play and I think it is time to say goodbye. I have been devising myself some sort of budget plan since I last wrote on here and according to that I don't think a new computer will be happening anytime soon. It's not that much of a problem except it affects another one of my goals which is to use my camera more instead of my phone camera. As this is out of my control though, I really need to let that goal go for a while. 

Since my last post I have had a few days out and a evening out for a meal, so I have not done too badly on the socialising front. Luckily I did take photos on my phone as well as the camera so I can record here where I have been. So I am also lucky to be surrounded by such lovely people who look after me and Cerys so well. 

Clerkenhill Adventure Farm

This photo was taken in Clerkenhill adventure farm. My mum very kindly took me and Cerys there for the afternoon recently. She had so much fun here and loved the long tunnels. I loved the fact that I could get down on the floor and photograph her. Getting up again is not quite so easy as it used to be pre stroke but it's all good exercise. 

It is lovely, we only spent a few hours there but we could have spent so much more time there if time had not been against us that particular day. We finished off with a lovely ice cream, something I had been craving for quite a while. 

I know it may be a bit strange to take a photo of a ice cream wrapper but I was sure I would forget the name as I had not seen this particular one before. It was so lovely and may replace the feast as my new favourite.  I will be hunting this one down again. 

Anna's Welsh Zoo

Or what is more commonly refered to by our family as - Manor Park.  We have been going there for days out since me and my sisters were young and have always enjoyed it there. It holds many a good memory and always feels like it was always sunny back then. Think that is a sign of getting old ;) 

We are sure to return here many times over the summer so we have invested in a 2015 Double Bubble Season Pass. I am super excited to see the SiberianTigers when they arrive especially as the animals are so well cared for there.

 A meal out at Martha's Vineyard

What a lovely evening! The food was beautiful and the staff so friendly and attentive. We shared a bottle of wine along with water in between glasses for me. I enjoy having the odd night out, I could not do too many as it has been the norm for me lately to be in bed by seven but this week I have actually been staying up until about ten pm!! Not quite party animal status but worthy news all the same. 

My gym session was cancelled this week so I have been doing weights at home but I did go on a rather long trek with my sister Claire, nephew, nieces, Cerys and my mum. So I have certainly not neglected my exercise. 

Monk Haven 

Cerys went to see Disney on Ice with Daddy and stayed in

a hotel in Cardiff which was very exciting for her and loved telling me all about it. 

Guardians of the Galaxy 

yay, I finally got to see it. I was so excited especially as I had heard lots about the soundtrack. It did not disappoint me. 

Foundation

I am so very excited, now because my left hand has constant pins and needles, I need to keep things I do very simple. Which has meant not bothering with foundation (due to the fact I kept dropping and spilling it everywhere). I did buy a compact foundation but never found it quite the same. Anyway here is the exciting bit- I have used it three times so far with no spills:) 

Before I write my next post, I am hoping to have made a start on arranging Cerys' Birthday celebrations and to

Have cleared the boxes I have left to unpack from my living room and hopefully next time I will remember to mention "maths". There is a reason why but that is all for now! :) 

Beautiful sunset, colourful life

I was lucky enough to witness this beautiful sunset this week. Thanks to some lovely friends who took me out for the evening. It is amazing to think that this is about a 20 minute drive from where I live. I feel very lucky especially when we do actually get to see these lovely views with the sun shining. 

Although I would not have been able to get down on to the beach due to the steep steps, the view from the cliff is just amazing. I am hoping to see a few more sunsets over the next few months, with possibly a lovely spring and summer. I was in hospital last year for all of June and half of July when the weather was beautiful. I used to see people coming into the hospital looking bronzed and smelling of suntan lotion. I used to admire their summer clothes while I was in my uniform of jogging bottoms and baggy t shirts each day, 

Although we can not rely on the weather I intend to make the most of each nice day that I can, because I can. 

During this time, I used to close my eyes and see really bright, beautiful images in my head that at the time I did think I may want to paint  (I am not a painter/artist) but since coming out of hospital I think my brain got so full, relearning and recovering that these images all became quite grey and I had a sudden obsession with grey, wanting to be surrounded by it and to wear it all the time. I still do have a fondness for grey but my life is starting to get all of it's colour back now and they are being reintroduced into my quite colourful life. 

Present life goals April 2015

On June 5th 2015 it will have been a year since I had the stroke, that is fast approaching and although I am still recovering and not fully healed, I have to say that I am so pleased and have exceeded all expectations so far. A lot of the time I am still just getting by and as much as now and again it does frustrate me, that will do me for now. 

My goals are almost all at that point of really getting back to normal life instead of I want to be able to feel my arm, I now for example would like to be able to go out one night and have a dance. Physically I am able to do some kind of dance (we are by no means taking professional here ;)) but mentally I would just not be able to handle it yet. 

My daughter asked me "when can you drive again?" Another of my goals but again mentally I don't feel anywhere near ready. I am still trying to keep my life as simple as possible because my brain gets so tired, I am sure I will get to a point and it will feel better as things have improved so much for me already and after all it has not even been a year yet since it happened. 

Writing 

It helps me so much to write, something I must admit that I would never have said that I particularly enjoyed but it's so satisfying and feels like a brain workout (without any pain or frustration). I even enjoy writing a email or letter whereas in my life pre stroke I did not have the time so it would always be a rush job. 

I am currently writing this off my iphone but I am hoping to get my computer set up in my flat in the next few days. When I am hoping to use this little space of mine to write to my hearts content. 

Photos

I used to be the type that would see setting up a piece of technology a challenge now at the moment the thought of it makes me want to curl up and cry but I have a camera that needs some attention as I love to take photos at the moment. I think because it's something I can do as I often a feel a bit like I'm a bit of the outsider who can't join in fully with all that is going in around me but I can snap away. 

Ok, so after reading this it would appear I am a pro dancer, writer and photographer??  ;) nah, I'm just getting by. Doing what I can whilst I am healing and unable to work. 

One of my goals is over the next few months and summer holidays is to get one photo of all the places I can get to visit. I started yesterday with a photo of Nolton Haven in Pembrokeshire, which is the beautiful county which I live. 

Hair and skin 

I am also using this time to improve my physical self. Being in hospital for so long, having to have somebody else wash, shower you, do your hair, help clean your teeth is something at the age of then 36 is something I never thought would happen to me. When I think back, how embarrassing but I felt/feel so grateful for those lovely ladies in the hospital who even blow dried my hair for me. I had long hair at the time and could not manage to tie it in a simple pony tail. By the time I came out of hospital my hair and skin did not feel at it's best. It was only around December time though that mentally I felt able to think about this. I decided to get my hair cut to above shoulder length as it was not growing and felt really unhealthy, I had it cut with all the intention of growing it again straight away but I actually really like it and it is in lovely condition. I'm enjoying trying new products and at the same time trying to find a bargain. I can also now get my hair in a ponytail if need be but I love that mainly I can wear it down and with a quick going over of the straightners each time, I am good to go. 

My skin is looking and feeling good too, Although I am still trying to tackle this pore issue on the top of my cheeks. That is my next aim, I have got my eyebrows somewhat as I like them, they could be better but they are so much better than the unruly mess they have been , so I am working my way top to bottom, keeping it simple, affordable yet trying to  look good..../better. 

Clothes

I remember sitting with my physiotherapists and talking to them about clothes and the fact that my arm was not moving at this point made it very hard to dress myself but I have somehow always got by.  Although they did remind me that buttons and zips would be out. I sat there in despair picturing me in jogging bottoms and t shirts every day, I am still avoiding zips and buttons as much as possible. As I can do them with a struggle but it is after all, all about keeping it simple. I enjoy looking for clothes even more now then I did pre stroke. I appreciate and notice fabrics and attention to detail that I never did before and I am very lucky that somebody invented the jegging. No buttons or zips. Yay. I spend my life in my skechers but I feel safe in them and I can walk, first of all  . Not a day goes past where I am not thankful for this. I do look forward to the day when I can wear different shoes for different occasions but for now that is very much a case of window shopping. 

Health and exercise

I am currently completing a 16 week exercise programme once a week which I am really enjoying. I am trying to improve throughout this so I can develop further after this period is over, 

I have lost quite a bit of weight too for the first ever without being on a "diet" . I am very mindful now when it comes to food. I only eat when I am hungry and stop before I become too full. I don't deprive myself of any food but try to keep it in moderation. 

I could really do with losing more weight but I am determined at the moment to just keep focusing on being healthy and hoping that will take care of the weight loss for me. 

I have cut down on caffeine. I don't want to give up anything completely so I am allowing myself a cup of coffee in the morning then switching to herbal tea or water.

I have cut out salt as much as I possibly can and only allow myself crisps every now and again whilst really trying to tell myself to savour it as it is a huge treat. 

Crafting with Cerys

One thing we always loved to do together was crafty things. I am in the process of organising all of her crafty goodies after our move and have to say I am feeling the urge to get crafty again. I know she has missed this but I just could not face it before. We have also started playing cards lately too. 

So at April 2015, that is where I am at. I am looking forward to reading this back at a later date and seeing improvements in all aspects of life. :) 

Stroke complexity

I found this "quote" in a young stroke survivor group that I recently joined online. It made me feel really sad to see. Although I do understand where this comes from, I have since having a stroke tried my best to explain how I feel probably to the point where perhaps some people wish I would shut up but before I had a stroke how could I know how complex it would be so obviously how can other people? Maybe I am surrounded by a rather exceptional bunch of people but I can list on one hand the amount of times I really felt misunderstood or upset because of others. I have been called brave numerous times during my stroke recovery but I think I am surrounded by the brave people. From my family who have been through every difficult moment with me to friends and even friends of the family or friends of friends. Every single person who has ever taken the time out of their own lives to just say "how are you?" You are all amazing. Thank you for realising that although I may not have asked how you are back, it's not that I don't care. I have been busy re-learning just about everything and getting my brain to work again.  I have had a few people not be able to look me in the eye or even ask how I am doing, I remember them as those moments have been so few.  Thank you for not saying "I know how you must feel" because let's face it you can't. The same as even if you have had a stroke too. I don't know how you feel although I have a better idea. Ah that complexity issue again. 

So what is a stroke to me? - complex