London Wonderful London Part one

It would be so easy for me right now to just hide away from the world and plan things to do once I feel better. I do feel like I am hidden away in some ways because I can't work but I find myself going out more by myself and enjoying chatting to people, something that last year I didn't think I would ever be able to do. I still get a but lost if the conversation involves more than one person but hopefully that will get easier with time too.

I had an amazing time in London recently and am super proud of myself for going on this trip. 

We arrived at London Victoria coach station and made our way across the road and only a short distance away to Victoria Underground station, I managed the steps pretty well and after a straightforward journey on the District Line we soon arrived at our home for the next few days Aldgate East. I always get a bit nervous about finding places from the stations as they normally state head North, East, South or West up a certain street. It would make much more sense to me to label the pavements with the above as it doesn't make any sense in my head. We walked out onto Leman Street and followed the boys who seem to understand these matters more (to those who get confused like me, when you come out of the tube station you are told to head south which to me means head right down Leman Street)  and within a couple of minutes we came across Alfie Street

 and from here we could see the Premier inn 

I love Premier Inns and have stayed a few times in various ones in London and Bristol areas. We had arrived earlier than check in was due to start but would have been happy just to leave our suitcases there at this point but they gave us our room keys and even made a few rearrangements so that we could be fairly close together, in the two rooms that we had booked, The receptionist was lovely and took the time to have a little chat with us too, (my very first proper job was a Hotel Receptionist. I loved it and loved meeting new people and making them feel welcome. I also loved all the admin and organising that came with it.) Danny loved the fact that there were vending machines selling drinks, snacks snd some toiletries.

We very quickly dropped our cases in, freshened up a bit  and headed towards London Bridge. Again this was a simple tube journey on the District Line to Monument with no escalators. 

We didn't immediately see any sign of London Bridge but it wasn't far from the station. 

This here was the main reason for wanting to walk over London Bridge. What a lovely view of Tower Bridge. 

We also saw The Shard. Once over the other side we walked through Borough Market.

Smelling and looking at all the delicious food. I will definitely be back here one day with an empty belly and a purse full of cash. We then found ourselves walking past The Clink 

We didn't actually go into this Museum but have added this to our to do list because Cerys was very intrigued by this.

This was my reason for wanting to visit this part of London. It's not just any old pub but an historical pub. I had pictured myself sitting in the beer garden looking at St a Pauls Catherdral with my glass of wine. 

 Tick :) It felt as good as I had imagined these past few weeks.

Honestly I'm not obsessed with Premier Inns but Premier Inn Southwark is near by this pub so I would love to try that one out next time I am in a London. I fell in love with this area and could quite happily just spend a few days around these small parts. 

We headed back the same way that we had came (spot The Gherkin :) ) 

Danny tried some Egyptian food while the others tried some Hot Dogs 

We then made our way on the District line yet again to Westminister for Cerys to see Big Ben- which was the main reason why she wanted to visit London. We ended up getting separated by here which led to me not swiping my Oyster Card because Ceri was looking after it for me. From that moment on I got a bit braver and kept my Oyster card in my pocket. I would bring a small over the shoulder bag to accompany a backpack next time but you live and learn. I managed to sort out a refund for my mistake on my Oyster card luckily whilst I was there. 

We then walked around to Buckingham Palace 

Then headed down The Mall in search of a Bella Italia as we had a voucher for 25 percent off food there. We went to The Strand. My battery on my phone was low at this point so I have no photos of this. We had the Pane Bella  to start with the Balsamic vinegar and olive oil, I wish you didn't have to choose between this and the Mascarpone and Spinach dip as I enjoy both equally, I followed with the Cannelloni Ricotta which was nice but not something that I would be that excited to try again.

We had then come to the end of a very eventful and jam packed day one and headed back to Aldgate East from Enbankment all ready for our beds. 

Day Two 

I was up pretty early this morning and unpacked our case before we headed for breakfast. We were greeted by such lovely staff who could not have done enough for you.  They offer a wonderful choice of food that would cater for almost Any tastes. 

I really enjoyed my breakfast there each day. Myself, Mum and Cerys had booked to go to Madam Tussards this particular day, our slot was 11:15 to 11:30 so we made our way to Baker Street after breakfast.  A simple tube journey on The Hammersmith and City Line with no escalators and we were had arrived. 

I shall have to abandon this London diary here for now as I started writing it on my phone and knew how to get photos on here very easily but I am now writing on a Chromebook- Thanks so much Claire :) I'm still learning how to use it. My brain is slower than it used to be but I shall get there and I will come back to write London part two when I feel like I can and keep this updated as I miss it but a change such as a swap of a technological device is such a big deal to me and my now brain right now. 

That time of month

Oh I love the two weeks of every month when I am happy and feel like I can conquer the world. I don't do the other two weeks so well. 

I have awful anxiety the week before my period is due to start. It is irrational, I know this but I can not convince my mind otherwise. I am constantly tired and feel as if I could sleep standing up. I have had a particularly hard time this  month and as the pain starting this morning I could literally feel a dark cloud lifting away from me.my mood is good, I almost feel productive as long as I have a hot water bottle and a paracetamol. I am still in the middle of writing about my visit to London, I can only cope with writing about it in short bursts. It will be so worthwhile now when future me can look back and reminisce. 

Life has not been too bad as of late, unlike my bad mood. My sister Claire  has very kindly given me her old chromebook to use which I have to admit I am not using to write this. It is lovely and I will use it to write with very shortly. 

Cerys has started junior school, she loves it very much and it is wonderful to see her looking so very happy. 

I have started following some workouts on YouTube which are not specifically aimed at stroke survivors. If there is anything I can not do, I do my own version but I'm getting quite strong these days and felt the need to push myself a bit more. :) 

I can click my fingers using my left hand, something which I never thought I would be able to do again. My improvements are not always as obvious as they was were but I think that my hand is improving and I am pretty sure that sometimes on rare occasions I don't feel the constant pins and needles anymore. :) it still gets tired very easily after I use it but I will have to put up with that. After all, it had been through a lot this past year.  :) 

Overthinking is necessary

"I will think about or worry about that tomorrow"

Those are words that I can no longer mutter as I have to think everything I do in life through in great detail. It is strange though as I suppose I am living "in the now" more than I ever was and I do make the most of every minute of my life.  I am learning to enjoy the planning process (which is very necessary for my now brain) Now brain - I think I might use that saying more. :) 

When thinking about going to London, I was so excited but along with that came a lot of worry too. There are times when I want someone to come along and just say don't worry about a thing, I will sort it all out for you but I know that is not the right thing to do. I must keep fighting on. I am lucky as whenever I go for days or evenings out I have been with people who care enough for me to ensure I am

picked up and taken home afterwards so I feel safe. 

I of course went to London with people who care about me but knowing I was away from my familiar surroundings and having  to rely on mainly the tube (with some dreaded escalators) and not to be able to just pop to the toilet did scare me. 

I miss those carefree days but they are just not an option for me right now. 

I had a wonderful time and so proud of myself for going but in order to enjoy myself these days involves a lot of planning. 

As I said on my previous post I had searched on the TFL journey planners with the option of avoiding escalators. It's very strange to think I looked for steps to avoid them as for a long time steps were not even an option for me either. 

In order to feel that bit safer again, I did download "city toilet" app into my phone but did not actually end up needing to use this and brought a purse with me filled with coins as knew you had to pay 30p to use some toilets. 

Next post I write will be all about my fabulous time in London but I also want and need to remind myself here of the difficulties that accompany these fun times right now. I then have something to look back on and to compare to as the more time is going on the recovery process is getting less and less obvious to me. It is happening just very slowly compared to what it once was. 

Writing it all down helps with this process. :) 

Pack up your troubles

This time last week I was in the very hot and sunny  London. It has taken me a week to start to feel like I am now back in my reality. 

I had spent a long time looking forward to this trip and at least  two weeks before planning each day and each tube journey/ walk etc, I must admit I almost enjoyed the looking forward as much as the actual trip. 

I love packing and started putting bits together for our trip many weeks before it. I would have loved to have bought new clothes to go but that didn't end up happening. I had planned to travel as light as possible while trying to be covered by any possible weather. My plan was to bring three dresses that would all be okay to wear either bare legged or with tights and that could be worn on their own or with cardigans. When it actually came to trying my dresses on though I had nothing that would cover all weathers so I resorted to my usual trousers with either vest tops, short sleeve tops and cardigans. I didn't want to carry anything that I would not get use of but I ended up having to bring "just in case" items. Cerys was easier as she has dresses and playsuits that can be worn on their own if the weather is nice or can look just as nice with leggings and cardigans if need be. Although I did make a mistake of packing a dress that no longer fits her. I had not noticed how much she has grown. That dress fitted her perfectly at Easter which does not seen so long ago. 

Normally I struggle with the dilemma of what shoes to bring but having a dodgy foot means I only feel totally safe in one pair of shoes so I obviously wore them and had no need to pack any more. Cerys wore her trainers and I packed her sandals just in case she wanted to wear them but she only wore her trainers as they are sensible but still look nice and matched all of her outfits. 

I have bought a backpack and it is just what I wanted. I saw a photo of this on Primarks Instagram a few weeks before I could actually go in and have a look around one. I saw another similar one as I walked in and grabbed it as was not sure if this would still be avaliable, I was so happy when I saw it by the rest of the bags. It cost ten pounds, looks and feels perfect for me. I couldn't stop staring at once I had got it home but did feel that it needed a keyring so I had planned to look for one in London. Very strangely though Cerys had gone for a day out in Tenby with Nanny Lawrence and had bought me back a Purple Heart keyring with a J on it. Perfect. It means so much that she chose it for me. 

Cerys is quite notorious for not wanting to carry her backpacks, we had gone for a day out recently and she had moaned so much about it that I ended up carrying it. She wanted to carry my bag around though so I decided to buy her a more "grown up" bag. 

Partly for her and partly for myself as I didn't want her moaning about carrying it around London. She chose a bag "called Kangol" :) she loved the blue and purple colours and the suede bottom. In fact now she has decided that she would like this to be her school bag. 

I bought a folding walking stick that I can carry with me just incase I feel a bit unsteady or tiredness kicks in. I am normally the one being told to "keep your bag shut and look after your purse and phone" and I must admit my reaction would be "everything is going to be fine, no worries" etc but I felt a bit anxious about this, this time around, I think it's because I have so much more to think about these days for instance carrying a bag while walking. I packed my Oyster card in a inside pocket of the bag and packed my purse and important things in a make up bag and tried to pack plasters, my tablets, body spray in another make up bag. I tried to keep it organised and as easy to access as I could while making it as safe and secure as I could. 

I bought a new notebook (which is looking a bit battered after London) and planned days out and how we could get there. I still had my escalator dramas and noticed that if you use the TFL journey planner for London it does give you an option to tick a box to search for underground stations that avoid escalators.  I of course didn't do a strict plan but wanted to feel as safe as I could so needed to plan what I could. We had some food vouchers so had an idea of where to eat each night and an idea of all the things that we wanted to do. I would normally do this sort of thing but would use a computer. I enjoyed using a notebook and stickers though and will definitely use this method again. 

Then all that was left to do was go and have fun in London :) 

Brain shake up

I wouldn't describe myself as brain damaged but last June my brain was in fact damaged. I have been working so very hard to not let this define the rest of my life. I'm doing pretty well, I have a foot and a hand that no longer work properly but I'm still working on them both and still hopeful that one day they will improve the same way that the rest of my left side of the body has, I get by generally but Sometimes my body and brain likes to give me little reminders that I'm not better yet. 

It was my sister Claire's birthday on 4th August, it landed on the week that we were having our holiday in Pembs. Unfortunately somebody forgot to order the sunshine so our plans for the day were changed. It was all fine though and we decided to have a family day at Mums house. 

Rebecca had asked Mum to help her get flowers for her Mum. So sweet! :) 

It was all going so well until I accidentally forgot that I'm not just a normal person that doesn't need to concentrate on walking etc and went to ask Cerys something. I attempted to get down mums three steps without thinking, lost my footing and landed on my nose. I can only assume that my left side was just not strong enough to hold me after my fall.  After my nose finally stopped bleeding(sorry about your new floor mum ;)) I could feel how swollen my nose and eye was, it was so painful and I spent the next few days taking painkillers and had a lovely black eye. Although my daughter did say it looked the same colour as my make up. I do love a smokey purple eye but I prefer the pain free kind. I did spend the next few days hidden behind sunglasses as it felt too sore to try to cover up with make up. It even felt sore with sunglasses resting on my swollen nose but I preferred to be hidden from the world. Mum had a grab rail installed by her steps when I moved into her house after my hospital discharge. I have been extra careful on the steps ever since my fall.  I am determined not to let it dent my confidence but I would be lying if I said that it did not upset me. 

Hope you had a lovely birthday Claire, I didn't mean to try and steal your limelight ;) 

I have always loved watching Rugby Union. One of my goals having come out of hospital was to watch Wales play live. Ceri and Lexy had tickets for a test match between Wales and Ireland although they did warn that the seats were quite high up.  I must admit that this is something that would have worried me pre-stroke too but I was very nervous as we had her to see a show in Cardiff in high up seats  the night before I had my celebral angiogram, I was so nervous and it did spoil the show a bit for me. 

As we approached the stadium I got that old familiar anxious feeling- not about the actual game but about my height issues. As we started climbing up more and more steps, I  just wanted to cry. Huge thanks to Ceri for literally holding my hand the whole way up.we had arrived at our seats only to face another obstacle, passing people to get to our seats. Thanks so much to my mum and Ceri for holding me along this very narrow path. You made me feel as safe as I could have felt. I was so relieved to make it to the seat and that I was able to look down and actually enjoy the rugby. Luckily as well as sitting by my mum I sat by a lovely girl who I shared a little moment with regarding the fact that we were indeed both welsh even though we were both wearing white tops and would both be cheering for the same team. I loved every minute once there, just a shame that it was not a better game for Wales with a better score. Ireland were the better players that particular day though and I got to see Wales play rugby at the Milennuim Stadium. I have only ever seen wales play in Cardiff Arms Park  many years ago with my Dad. I hope to go back and take Cerys but it would need to be on a lower level. 

I love food but since having a stroke my tastes have changed and I'm still learning what flavours I really like. Yesterday, I had a packet of onion ring crisps and I felt like I was eating chemicals, I presume that was the articial flavourings etc but that is yet another thing to add to my list of things that I long enjoy anymore. 

This, however was gorgeous

We ate in Henry's, Cardiff, it was lovely. I had the hallomi burger. If I remember correctly it was peppers which had been cooked beautifully with a lovely flavouring, hallomi and hummus all served in a seeded roll along with fries and mayonnaise. I am going to try and recreate this at home once I am back from London. 

I had to pop into the doctors earlier this week to pick up a new prescription and sick note. When I came out of hospital I couldn't have even attempted to try and sort this out myself. Every time I have gone lately something seems to have gone wrong but they were both there waiting for me. I walked to the chemist to put my prescription in when I realised that I couldn't tear my prescription off to hand it in. Before frustration kicked in too badly luckily a lady behind the counter noticed and didn't cause too much attention to the fact that I was stuggling, she just sorted it all out for me. I am very grateful. 

I don't know if it us a hard thing for people to talk about but if I mention "my brain" a lot of people can't seem to deal with it. For instance I may mention how I like something now that I didn't before and they may say oh that's because you are getting older and your interests change etc. This may be partly true but I think it's a combination of my brain having a bit of a shake up and the fact that I have been forced to slow down so it had allowed me to notice and appreciate life more. 

I have had some good times lately without any dramas too but I shall talk about them another time as another thing about my brain- it needs lots of rests and one is due now. 

Family and music- things I love the most

The week has arrived. It is time for our "holiday in Pembrokeshire" basically we are having a holiday where we live but the most exciting part is that myself and Cerys get to spend lots of time with my Mum, Sisters, nephew and nieces. 

Ceri arrived home on Sunday 2nd August, we wasted no time and all of us minus Mum who had other plans went to Tenby to enjoy a afternoon and evening of entertainment in Tenby Harbour. 

Ceri, me and Claire

Aunty Ceri and Cerys being photo bombed by Lexy 

Rebecca, Cerys and Danny 

I really enjoyed myself. Was lovely to spend time together.  Watching live bands while enjoying a cold cider is one of my favourite things ever.  There was a lot of sixties music which we know so well because Mum very often over the years has had her type of music blasting out throughout the house and car over the years. I do often think I would have been much more suited to growing up in the sixties and remember while I was in junior school talking to my friends about what music we liked. I really wanted to say I don't like tapes, I like listening to my Mums records but remember thinking that I would look silly if I did. Then I fell in love with Shakin Stevens not so much for his music but based on his looks, Although I did used to listen to his records almost every hour of every day too. I remember thinking that he was the most beautiful man that I had ever seen. 

My mums friends son gave me a poster of him which I hung up next to my bed. 

While My friends all had Michael Jackson posters and would tease me about my Shaky love. 

That same person a few years later and at my request went on to record me tapes of Bon Jovi and Little Angels. I had discovered some newer music that I liked and actually felt a bit cool as I had some tapes now. Eventually I did take notice of more "popular" music too  which did lead to me being told by various people that I couldn't for example like Guns n Roses and Kylie. I had to choose?  I am not sure why it was such a problem for people but it would take me a long time to discover that 

You just like what you like 

Anyway to get back to the point, I loved singing along to the sixties music in Tenby :) 

The kids had fun dancing and playing. Even a rain shower didn't spoil the fun. The evening ended with some lovely fireworks. 

Not even having to walk back to the car after the festivities dampened our spirits. 

We all waited in Lexi's car while Claire and Dave went to bring their car to the kids which was parked a little further away. As well as playing "Truth or Dare" we appear to have played "how many people can you fit in a Polo?" 

Lovely afternoon and evening. I felt very tired the following day but that is to be expected.  I think I coped really well though and feel that this is another achievement. The steep hill down to the harbour which at one point would have terrified me was not a problem. I did for a few hours almost feel like a normal person. :) 

RIP Cilla Black - I will always associate  this day with the sad news that singer and TV celebrity Cilla who has entertained us for many years has passed away.  

A little more conversation please

This flower was given to me by a very good friend when I was in hospital, it gave me so much joy and started so many conversations with passing strangers. 

Over the past few days  I have got stopped twice by people that I do know but have not seen for years. I was greeted with a "it's Jo isn't it?, lovely to see you, what are you doing with yourself these days?" 

It's strange to think how much a job/career can defy us. I really don't like saying I'm not well enough to work right now. It's a good thing that I physically look well but I feel it also makes it harder to explain my current situation.  When I have to explain that I have had a stroke, the first thing I see is  the look of surprise on peoples faces. Almost as if they think it could be a very distasteful joke.

If you know me well or take a particular good look at me there are signs of my stroke still there but to a passing stranger I look like a normal 37 year old. I am

not complaining, this is because I have chosen to fight it and not let it defy me but it gets so awkward. 

I was delighted with the way each conversation went though as thought I  must be starting to look a bit more approachable again. I think spending the last year having to concentrate on walking, avoiding any obstacles like fellow human beings passing me, trying to filter noises all around me etc has not  made myself look particularly friendly or that I want a to engage in a conversation with anybody. 

They will probably never know what a boost those conversations gave me but I shall thank them here anyway.  Hopefully there are many more chatty conversations to come in the near future.