Enjoy life

I am loving January. Yes, this is not something that you hear everyday. I'm not enjoying this dreary weather but it is refreshing as a Stroke Survivor person who is constantly setting myself new goals to be surrounded by many others who have also set themselves new goals/ resolutions.  I actually have something in common with most people. Yay.

I seem to be at a stage now where I can separate my goals into Direct stroke goals, Indirect Stroke Goals and just general Life Goals.

My Direct Stroke Goals are of course to both Mentally and Physically recover/improve from my stroke.

My indirect stroke goals which I'm currently working towards are improving my health, being better at managing money, being organised with my time and "stuff".

One of my Life goals is to lose weight and then maintain this weight because

1. I want and need to be as healthy as possible

and

2. If I achieve another life goal (which is to have a good career) and I'm good at managing my money I can buy nice clothes (and shoes- if I achieve my direct stroke goal of recovering enough not to have a strapped up foot that can only manage flats) that I will wear again and again without having to have a "fat" and "thin" wardrobe which will also help me to be organised with "stuff"

Another life goal is to save money but I also really want to go on holiday with all my family.

 Okay, yes I am aware this sounds like I want it all. I have loved or sometimes not loved all of the "advice offered" on how to achieve goals or stick to your New Years Resolutions. I have heard and read over and over again that you really have to want to achieve said goal and yes I agree wholeheartedly. If I had not wanted to recover from my stroke with all my heart I would not have come so far as I have.

I thought my life was over (well at least life as I knew it was over) after my stroke, so I'm going to be healthy, lose weight but life is too short and precious not to eat cake if I want it.

I'm going to try my best to save up for a holiday with my family this year. Yes I could save money for a rainy day first but  life is too short not to enjoy it while you can.

Advice from someone who is not at all qualified to give advice but has set and achieved many a goal since June 2014 is yes, set goals but do not let them  ever stop you from enjoying your life and if you fancy a piece of cake- have it :)

How a moisturiser changed my life

Today I am sat at my Mum's waiting in for a exciting delivery. A new phone, I am so excited. I have been a iPhone kind of a girl previously but I am moving to a Microsoft phone. My laptop is Windows 10 so the two combined should be good/easy for my brain to get to grips with.

This week I have completed a Sudoku puzzle. It does not sound like such a big deal but it is the first one I have sat down and completed (and not given up due to my brain hurting or losing concentration) since my stroke.

Of course, I like everything to be balanced so it can't be all good news- nothing too bad but I had a minor melt down in Tesco - all because I could not think or find where deodorant or salt would be. I was in a different/bigger Tesco so the unfamiliarity was a bit too much.

Which leads me nicely on to how a face cream changed my life. No, it has not vastly improved my skin although I must say for a £1.99 cream from Lidl it is very good.  I had completely run out of moisturiser. I am lucky with my skin as long as I cleanse/moisturise everyday it stays pretty good but I notice and feel the difference if I miss out the moisturising stage.  With only a couple of pounds in my purse and limited shops available to me. that cream from Lidl was my only real choice. As I took it to the till to pay I was thinking about how fed up I was of being dictated to on what I choose to buy because of A) being disorganised with what items I have/don't have, B) being equally disorganised with my money. I promised myself I wouldn't let it happen again if I could help it.

I spent last year living day to day, week to week money wise but I am now more of a month to month person. Money is still on my mind a little more than it should but this is still very much a ongoing process as like my stroke recovery there is no overnight solution.

Good news for people around me - The reason I was looking for deodorant was that I am running low so I still smell beautiful at the moment. ;) I was just trying to be organised me which ironically explains why I need to be as organised as I can and get things done while I can.

No New years resolutions

I recently came across this photo above and immediately thought that it perfectly summed up my 2015.  I would not go as far as to say I have been "Spiritually awakened" but I can certainly identify with the above.

Goodbye and Thank you 2015

You have been kind. Of course, life is always full of ups and downs and is never plain sailing but overall I have had a fabulous year.

Life after stroke

So, it is one and a half years since my stroke (yes that half a year is of extreme importance), I still have my daily struggles but I am still getting stronger and improving albeit not so obviously as times goes on. I am so so thankful when people stop me and tell me how well I am doing, its not that I need a confidence boost etc but is necessary as I sometimes just can not tell if I am doing well or not. So it really does mean so much for people to take the time out to recognise that I am still on the right path.
I have wrote and said many a time that my dream one day is that the stroke will seem quite insignificant in my life. I struggle with this dream now. I sometimes have days where I barely think about it but it is still always with me and I really don't know whether I will be able to or want to forget all about it.  I still suffer with Neuro fatigue or stroke tired as me and my daughter call it. It is nothing like normal tiredness. I have learnt and am still learning to manage this but its frustrating and can be really annoying to say the least. Its very hard to explain to people too. 
Physically- I am definitely improved. I am constantly trying to improve on this. When I walk, I try to beat my previous time etc. The worst I have felt recently was Christmas shopping. My core muscles ached so much and I just wanted to flop down -(that is the best way that I can describe it).   I can feel myself getting off track here but basically as much as in one day much further down the line I want the stroke to seem like a minor thing, there are days or moments when I feel like I could do with a big sign around me saying "this person has had a stroke,  please treat with care" so that people don't bump me, get cross if I can't get out of their way quick enough or get upset at me for taking the last seat if I need to rest.
My hand and foot are still improving but the progress feels so much slower than it once did.  I feel like I am still "just getting by". Yesterday I picked up a plate with my left hand. My brain was getting messages but I just could not figure out what the problem was. The plate was a bit too hot for my hand to handle but it wasn't until I felt it with my right hand that I understood what was happening. 

Ah, I will get there. I'm not too sure where "there" is but I'm trying to my best to enjoy this journey that I find myself on.

Stroke Related Goals

I am not making New Year Resolutions. I am however constantly giving myself life goals but unfortunately stroke recovery doesn't seem to work in measurements of time so neither can I. I can  jump on the spot and do star jumps so my next aim is to run. I have to laugh when you see or hear people saying "Anybody can run" I have learnt how to walk again but I can not physically run as my left side is still too heavy. I will run one day though I am sure.
I want to be able to feel my hand and foot. I'm using them all I can and am sure one day this will happen.
I want to be able to wear nice shoes and sandals - and not to have to wear my ankle brace to feel safe.

2015 Achievements

I have bought a actual pair of jeans and can do up the buttons and zip myself. They are two dress sizes smaller than pre stroke me and could probably be another size down again if I didn't need them baggier for ease of dressing.  This is amazing, thinking back to that day sat down with my physios telling me I would now have to wear T shirt, jogging bottoms and trainers, Look at how far I have come :)

I go for walks independently.

I find conversations a little easier. I still get a bit too tired to talk sometimes but its better.

Life Goals

Money- Again what I want to achieve won't be attained in a year but I am closer than I was this time last year and intend to be even closer next year.

Diet/Fitness/Health- All improved and still being improved. My actual goal was not to lose weight but I have. I can not tell you how much advice I have been given from people who have lost less weight then myself. I have not taken any of it on board. I don't want to completely give up carbs or survive on juices. I like food- eating and cooking. I am wanting to be healthy for life so for me it is all about moderation. I am stepping this up a bit this year as I would like my weight loss to be a bit more noticeable and I really do want to stay healthy. I also want a flatter tummy. The tummy has been very difficult to exercise this past two years and has left me feeling rather flabby.

2016- I know you won't be easy but lets try and have a good one!

Happy New year!!! xxx

You can't always get what you want

I would like to be a bit richer, a lot thinner, have an amazing career and own my own house and car but this time of year especially, is when I realise how lucky I really am. 

In 2014 I had a stroke, Didn't want it and I didn't need it and it is certainly not something I will ever look back on with fond memories as it has made my life so difficult but I am lucky, I survived, I am alive and am making a excellent recovery. So therefore, I can accept what has happened to me but there are so many bad things happening all around us to good people which I can not make any sense off.  I feel so lucky that I am giving the chance to live again and I am so determined to live the best life I can.

I have not felt like writing much lately. Life has felt a bit harder as of late. The weather has on occasion made me more or less house bound and I have been so tired.
This time last year I was a lot more reliant on my Mum yet this year I am in my own home, cooking every meal, cleaning etc which I am so proud of but I must remember how important rest is.
Up until my phone broke I was keeping an eye on the weather to plan to get outside on nicer days but this got forgotten about with my lack of technology. Starting today, this is happening again. I can't control my energy levels completely so I can't completely rely on getting out and about if the weather is okay but all this planning certainly helps.

I started waking up naturally at 6am so  I decided to make myself a bit of a schedule to give my day some structure. I didn't make it too strict just gave myself half hour slots with what I should/could be doing during that time. I have found though that even if I wake up at 6am I can not start any jobs until after 9am as I get too tired so I will need to re do this schedule.

Something which is working better is my budget. I am pretty proud of how well I am doing with money. The big day is this Friday when I get to withdraw my Christmas money. I'm sure there are many people who think that is rather late but I needed to make sure I was on target for December and January bills too. Its amazes me how people can have their presents sorted by the summer. I love Christmas shopping in the winter plus my daughter has just wrote her letter to Father Christmas but has not included anything on there that she previously said she would ask for. :)

I wouldn't have recovered so well without my familys support who always amaze me by making my life easier. That is my biggest bit of advice for anyone recovering from a stroke- Make your life as easy as possible.

I am trying to sort something out at the minute which I need to do to help my recovery but despite ringing and leaving messages for this person to call me back I just can not sort it. I just don't have the energy to sort it all out. This is not helping the situation at all but makes me more grateful for those people around me who are always there for me.

I can't wait for the day when I am stronger enough to chase a bit harder for things I really want but my current fight is still taking up far too much energy.

London Wonderful London Part one

It would be so easy for me right now to just hide away from the world and plan things to do once I feel better. I do feel like I am hidden away in some ways because I can't work but I find myself going out more by myself and enjoying chatting to people, something that last year I didn't think I would ever be able to do. I still get a but lost if the conversation involves more than one person but hopefully that will get easier with time too.

I had an amazing time in London recently and am super proud of myself for going on this trip. 

We arrived at London Victoria coach station and made our way across the road and only a short distance away to Victoria Underground station, I managed the steps pretty well and after a straightforward journey on the District Line we soon arrived at our home for the next few days Aldgate East. I always get a bit nervous about finding places from the stations as they normally state head North, East, South or West up a certain street. It would make much more sense to me to label the pavements with the above as it doesn't make any sense in my head. We walked out onto Leman Street and followed the boys who seem to understand these matters more (to those who get confused like me, when you come out of the tube station you are told to head south which to me means head right down Leman Street)  and within a couple of minutes we came across Alfie Street

 and from here we could see the Premier inn 

I love Premier Inns and have stayed a few times in various ones in London and Bristol areas. We had arrived earlier than check in was due to start but would have been happy just to leave our suitcases there at this point but they gave us our room keys and even made a few rearrangements so that we could be fairly close together, in the two rooms that we had booked, The receptionist was lovely and took the time to have a little chat with us too, (my very first proper job was a Hotel Receptionist. I loved it and loved meeting new people and making them feel welcome. I also loved all the admin and organising that came with it.) Danny loved the fact that there were vending machines selling drinks, snacks snd some toiletries.

We very quickly dropped our cases in, freshened up a bit  and headed towards London Bridge. Again this was a simple tube journey on the District Line to Monument with no escalators. 

We didn't immediately see any sign of London Bridge but it wasn't far from the station. 

This here was the main reason for wanting to walk over London Bridge. What a lovely view of Tower Bridge. 

We also saw The Shard. Once over the other side we walked through Borough Market.

Smelling and looking at all the delicious food. I will definitely be back here one day with an empty belly and a purse full of cash. We then found ourselves walking past The Clink 

We didn't actually go into this Museum but have added this to our to do list because Cerys was very intrigued by this.

This was my reason for wanting to visit this part of London. It's not just any old pub but an historical pub. I had pictured myself sitting in the beer garden looking at St a Pauls Catherdral with my glass of wine. 

 Tick :) It felt as good as I had imagined these past few weeks.

Honestly I'm not obsessed with Premier Inns but Premier Inn Southwark is near by this pub so I would love to try that one out next time I am in a London. I fell in love with this area and could quite happily just spend a few days around these small parts. 

We headed back the same way that we had came (spot The Gherkin :) ) 

Danny tried some Egyptian food while the others tried some Hot Dogs 

We then made our way on the District line yet again to Westminister for Cerys to see Big Ben- which was the main reason why she wanted to visit London. We ended up getting separated by here which led to me not swiping my Oyster Card because Ceri was looking after it for me. From that moment on I got a bit braver and kept my Oyster card in my pocket. I would bring a small over the shoulder bag to accompany a backpack next time but you live and learn. I managed to sort out a refund for my mistake on my Oyster card luckily whilst I was there. 

We then walked around to Buckingham Palace 

Then headed down The Mall in search of a Bella Italia as we had a voucher for 25 percent off food there. We went to The Strand. My battery on my phone was low at this point so I have no photos of this. We had the Pane Bella  to start with the Balsamic vinegar and olive oil, I wish you didn't have to choose between this and the Mascarpone and Spinach dip as I enjoy both equally, I followed with the Cannelloni Ricotta which was nice but not something that I would be that excited to try again.

We had then come to the end of a very eventful and jam packed day one and headed back to Aldgate East from Enbankment all ready for our beds. 

Day Two 

I was up pretty early this morning and unpacked our case before we headed for breakfast. We were greeted by such lovely staff who could not have done enough for you.  They offer a wonderful choice of food that would cater for almost Any tastes. 

I really enjoyed my breakfast there each day. Myself, Mum and Cerys had booked to go to Madam Tussards this particular day, our slot was 11:15 to 11:30 so we made our way to Baker Street after breakfast.  A simple tube journey on The Hammersmith and City Line with no escalators and we were had arrived. 

I shall have to abandon this London diary here for now as I started writing it on my phone and knew how to get photos on here very easily but I am now writing on a Chromebook- Thanks so much Claire :) I'm still learning how to use it. My brain is slower than it used to be but I shall get there and I will come back to write London part two when I feel like I can and keep this updated as I miss it but a change such as a swap of a technological device is such a big deal to me and my now brain right now. 

Reasons to be thankful in July

I love this saying! 

I met up with one of my best friends and her children. 

She had bought me a beautiful bracelet 

We enjoyed a few really hot days while the kids were still in school so mum kindly took me and Cerys to the beach one evening. We had our tea there, chippy tea yay. I also had a can of coke, which is one of the few times since having a stroke that I have drank coke, I have always considered it as a "kind of treat" I suppose but right now it is not something that I crave. 

I love this photo as although not obvious I am actually paddling in the sea and I tolerated the coldness of the sea really well. My legs ached that evening, walking on the sand is a great workout. 

This is the first rose I have ever grown. I am so proud and it gives me great joy to look at and smell it. 

My daughter had a particularly good week in school, I can't afford to buy many toys for her at the moment but she had seen a advert for this particular cupcake doll so we agreed if she achieved a certain amount of things that week in school and at home she would get one as a treat. There are a few to collect and at £7.99 each, they are within our grasp. I think they are very pretty too and as my daughter would say "this is a well made toy" I love the way she notices and appreciates things. 

I got to go to this years carnival! Yay! I did not require a wheelchair or a stick. As long as I'm armed with my ankle push up brace, some water and plenty of rests (plus I must admit in the crowds I needed the arm of my Mum or sister on occasions as my brain got a bit overwhelmed) I am fine, I did it! Woohoo! I am so happy that I got to see my daughter walk with her dance group. I'm so grateful to my friend who walked around with her own daughter and Cerys. 

I had been excited for weeks about this day. I had missed it last year because I had been in hospital. I had a image of sitting in the field watching the live music that was provided that day. In my head I did imagine that I sipping cava or pimms but that was not meant to be as no alcohol was allowed. Still very enjoyable though. 

We had a barbecue at Mums! I had been trying to use my selfie stick that I had recently bought but I think I was laughing too much in the end at not being able to work the thing that I just went for the old fashioned use an outstretched arm technique. We finally got some cava and Ceri had made some lovely cava sangria. 

The kids (my nephew, Nieces and daughter) provided the entertainment by putting on various shows for us throughout the evening 

Beautiful day and night :) 

One of Cerys's summer goals is learn how to sew. She was very impressed with mums sampler that she had made while she was in school so mum had very kindly given her some aida and threads and we have made a start on this. :) 

Cerys finished infant school. 

We have a few days out just in the town that we live in. 

I sat in mums garden the other day while looking after Toby dog and admired her lovely garden. I am loving flowers at the moment. 

Me and Cerys are writing a little story, another summer project. Not sure who is enjoying it more to be honest :) 

We went to the local library and she joined the summer reading challenge 2015- "Record Breakers". I am so proud of this girl. Not so long ago I worried about her and didn't think she would ever  enjoy reading but now she does it so well and really does enjoy it. 

I could shout it from the rooftops about how proud I am of her, she has also passed her stage 3 in swimming, again something that at one point I could not see happening. Lots of big changes for her in September and I'm sure she will face lots of new challenges but I feel safe in the knowledge that she is as ready as she can be for them.  She is moving on with her lovely friends which we are hoping to meet up with soon. 

Me having a quick go on Cerys's scooter, not so long ago I was being transported by one of these- 

Which I have to say are amazing but look at how far I have come in a year! My left hand could not even grip on to one of these. I had to physically hold it there with my right hand and now I'm getting to have a quick scooter. Yay. 

My mum took me to The National Botanical Garden Wales. 

It is beautiful. We were lucky with the weather too, it was nice to get my walking done inbetween lots of rests too surrounded by such beauty. 

Cerys has had her ears pierced. She has been asking for a while now. We had said you can when you are seven but thought it was best to do it in the summer holidays as you need to keep the earrings in for six weeks while cleaning twice daily and turning the earring to avoid infection. She is very happy with the result. 

Today is the last day of July and I am looking at back at what I have achieved this month and think maybe I may need to do weekly posts in August as this is getting rather long. 

Mum finished work a little but earlier today and offered to take us off for a few hours. We went to Fishguard which is always beautiful but like everywhere else around here looks even nicer in the sunshine. I went to Fishguard a few days after I got out of hospital. I walked with my stick, worried almost the whole time about not moving too far away from the toilet should I need to go and found the wooden benches far too uncomfortable to sit on. It is amazing to think that such thoughts are not even a concern for me anymore. This is why I have such faith that all will be okay. I I remember thinking that I would never be the same ever again and being devasted. I may not ever be the same ever again but that is fine. I'm improving, life is getting easier and I'm happy. 

We had chips in a place called Somethings cooking. It was lovely and I particularly liked the way Cerys's chips were served- in a mini frying basket. She had one battered and one unbattered sausage with chips while I had a vegetable spring roll and chips which was very enjoyable especially as it was served with soy sauce. I have been craving the taste of soy sauce for a few days. I washed all that down with a glass of rose wine. Delicious. Thank you Mum! And big thanks to everybody who has been a part  of my month of July and to anybody reading this - Thank you! Xxx