Can I tell you something

was what my 7 year daughter asked me this morning. To which I replied of course, bracing myself for what she could be about to tell me. "you are so beautiful" was her response. We sat for a while and she told me how well I am looking at the minute and yes the truth is I am feeling very well and I have had the odd occasion as of late when I have felt beautiful something that at quite a few points in my life since my stroke I didn't think would ever be achieveable. Now I'm not saying I'm "model beautiful" at all but to feel beautiful inside is a wonderful feeling.

On June 5th 2016 it will be two years since I had a massive hemorrhagic stroke that left me with a paralysed left side. I have learnt how to walk again, move my arm and hand again, tell the time amongst other things. Things I thought I would only have to learn once in my lifetime.

It is very strange to be at a point now where people are not constantly asking or checking if I am okay. This of course was what I wanted more than anything at one point but it has been strange to let it go. I can't speak for anybody else but my stroke recovery has felt like- one step at a time, grief for what you have lost, fight all you can, celebrate every achievement but grieve your one time stroke issues that you have conquered. Set yourself a new goal.... It really is a complicated business.

I still have left hand and foot parathesis but I don't let it stop me much. There are things I can't do but I prefer to try to concentrate on what I can do. My brain still has its funny moments but if I sleep well, eat well and all that good stuff I find I can manage to stay in control.

My biggest goals have always been and still are -

To complete a run to raise money for the stroke ward that looked after me so well.-  I'm not able to run as yet but I'm getting stronger. I am following a gym plan and throughout the month of May I am making it another goal to get into the gym twice a week every week.

Be fitter than I have ever been - eating well and exercising. Keeping my 80/20 lifestyle up.

and

to help others who have have suffered a stroke themselves. - When I started writing this blog it was with the intention of someday getting to the point of it helping somebody else as when I came out of hospital I like many others wanted to find success stories as as much as I wanted to believe I would get better I did not know if I ever would. I have enjoyed this little blog but it has become more of a personal diary as I have not had the strength in me to help others as was my original goal when I have still had such a major fight on my hands myself.

  I don't want to stop writing but I have decided by June 5th to start a new blog. With the purpose being to hopefully help others, give me a purpose and to give my brain regular work outs.

Thank you to my sisters for always reading my posts and to anybody else who happens to come across this.  Lots of love to you xxxx

Super Proud of Super Me

I am one year, 4 months post stroke and today I finally (I say finally as those that know me will know that I have been waiting on this moment for so long. ) I started my Gym programme.

While laying in a hospital bed with a paralysed left side, I can still remember peoples faces when I announced that I would walk again. I know, it was awkward, nobody wanted to get my hopes up too much in case it didn't happen. I had even given myself a date that I wanted to achieve this goal. Looking back I don't know if that was bravery, naivety or stupidity but I did it.  Although the original goal was to walk with a stick up to my daughters Sports s Day. I didn't quite manage this but I had started to walk. This was probably my first example of seeing how much my life was about to change and how much of a fight I still had ahead.

I was walking short distances but I was advised that if I went to the school I would need to see if I could get in and out of a car, then there was the issue of how far could I walk, roads, pavements, other pedestrians. I was so scared anyway by this point plus a wheelchair was mentioned. That was not part of my plan. I wanted to walk in. I also didn't feel I was strong enough to have a few hours out of hospital only to have to go back there again.

So today, I walked to the Gym by myself. I have been on the Treadmill, Bike and did some arm strengthening It felt amazing and I am looking forward to next week already.

I have had a unofficial goal which is to one day run.  I am not brave/naive/stupid enough to set a date but today I am making it a official goal -

One day I will run