Can I tell you something

was what my 7 year daughter asked me this morning. To which I replied of course, bracing myself for what she could be about to tell me. "you are so beautiful" was her response. We sat for a while and she told me how well I am looking at the minute and yes the truth is I am feeling very well and I have had the odd occasion as of late when I have felt beautiful something that at quite a few points in my life since my stroke I didn't think would ever be achieveable. Now I'm not saying I'm "model beautiful" at all but to feel beautiful inside is a wonderful feeling.

On June 5th 2016 it will be two years since I had a massive hemorrhagic stroke that left me with a paralysed left side. I have learnt how to walk again, move my arm and hand again, tell the time amongst other things. Things I thought I would only have to learn once in my lifetime.

It is very strange to be at a point now where people are not constantly asking or checking if I am okay. This of course was what I wanted more than anything at one point but it has been strange to let it go. I can't speak for anybody else but my stroke recovery has felt like- one step at a time, grief for what you have lost, fight all you can, celebrate every achievement but grieve your one time stroke issues that you have conquered. Set yourself a new goal.... It really is a complicated business.

I still have left hand and foot parathesis but I don't let it stop me much. There are things I can't do but I prefer to try to concentrate on what I can do. My brain still has its funny moments but if I sleep well, eat well and all that good stuff I find I can manage to stay in control.

My biggest goals have always been and still are -

To complete a run to raise money for the stroke ward that looked after me so well.-  I'm not able to run as yet but I'm getting stronger. I am following a gym plan and throughout the month of May I am making it another goal to get into the gym twice a week every week.

Be fitter than I have ever been - eating well and exercising. Keeping my 80/20 lifestyle up.

and

to help others who have have suffered a stroke themselves. - When I started writing this blog it was with the intention of someday getting to the point of it helping somebody else as when I came out of hospital I like many others wanted to find success stories as as much as I wanted to believe I would get better I did not know if I ever would. I have enjoyed this little blog but it has become more of a personal diary as I have not had the strength in me to help others as was my original goal when I have still had such a major fight on my hands myself.

  I don't want to stop writing but I have decided by June 5th to start a new blog. With the purpose being to hopefully help others, give me a purpose and to give my brain regular work outs.

Thank you to my sisters for always reading my posts and to anybody else who happens to come across this.  Lots of love to you xxxx

Keep on fighting

I have just walked back (all by myself and in this awful gloomy weather) from the sports centre. I can not make many classes during the school holidays as my daughter will be with me and one of the weeks my sister is home so we are having "a holiday in Pembrokeshire" and I am going to London another week, I will not stop exercising during this time as it is important to keep working at these muscles of mine. I am no expert and I have to write myself a little guide to accompany this chart to remind myself of what each exercise entails. It is important that I have something to follow. I can find a few videos on YouTube and have used parts of various videos but I know I need more work on my left arm and the exercises I do for my leg are to keep it strong rather than improve it although I have no problems if it does improve. :) so I have taken that into account when working out a plan for myself. 

I have included hand exercises (something I must admit that I have neglected as of late) 

This is why It is so important to sit down every few weeks, think of new goals and check where about you are in your achievements. If I used to do hand exercises then my hand wouldn't be able to do much else for the day and as I have  been "trying to live my life as normal as I can", I have found myself using my hand more and more for everyday things but there was a time when I could not exercise and use it. I am only human, I sometimes get it wrong and I had completely forgotten about hand exercises but they are so important as I have had no improvement in the parathesis. I can move it and use it but I can't feel it very well, I get so sick of the constant pins and needles I feel. At first I was relieved to feel it as it is that familiar feeling I have felt all over my body as the sense of feeling to my left side was reappearing but it has been over a year and nothing. Whether it will ever come back fully I do not know but as I am getting that bit stronger in other areas now is the time to fight harder as far as my hand is concerned. 

When I came out of hospital I searched on YouTube for stroke stories and exercises and remember this one lady lifting weights, I thought she was amazing. I could not even grip a weight let alone lift one. At various stages after that, I checked to see if I could do this but it hurt too much and of course there was always the possibility of really hurting my shoulder so I knew I was not strong enough to try. 

About a year after my stroke, I am lifting a small weight above my head and although I can't feel my hand very well, gripping and letting go is not even a slight issue anymore. 

I have even included jog on the spot in my plan. I am not even sure I can call it a jog and I can only do it for a very short time but one day I want to be able to run but this is how far I am right now with regards to running. 

So at this point in time - July 2015, I am enjoying exercising, still fighting and still trying my best to be patient. :)